Okay, the day comes and it's time for your airman, seaman, solider, or marine to ship out. That is a hard day. I remember sitting in the recruiter's office with him, waiting for his driver to pick him up at 2:15. The minutes just kept ticking by and I was actually pretty calm, given the circumstances, but when 2:15 came around and I saw his driver walk into the office, my heart sank into my stomach and the tears came to my eyes. I gave him one last hug and whispered "I'm so proud of you. Stay safe. I love you." then I kissed him goodbye and wouldn't see him or talk to him again for another eight and a half weeks (It's different for every branch, ranges from six to thirteen weeks, I believe). I got in the car and I remember just feeling numb. I couldn't believe that he was gone and I wasn't going to be able to see him or talk to him for over two months. My cousin was with me (her boyfriend was in the Marines and went through a thirteen week boot camp) and she just hugged me.
One piece of advice that she gave me that really stuck with me was, if you need to cry, cry as long as you need to. Everyone is going to tell you to keep busy and to take your mind off of things, but that's all easier said than done. When it comes down to it, the next six to thirteen weeks of your life is going to revolve around your trainee. You're constantly going to be wondering "when's the next letter?" "when's the next phone call?" "what is he/she doing right now?". Your trainee is ALWAYS going to be on your mind, no matter how busy you keep yourself.
Within the first 72 hours, you should receive the address call. This is where they get thirty seconds max to read a prewritten script to you to tell you their address. Don't ask them questions, they aren't allowed to say anything besides what is on the script. After that, you can start writing them. WRITE THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!! Even twice a day, if you can! You will see how much your trainee's letters will help you, your letters are going to help them ten times as much. I would write my airman twice a day, sometimes each letter would get up to six pages per letter. Keep them posted with all sorts of good news going on in the family, community, world, with friends, anything!
Make sure you don't send any packages or anything bright/shiny/glittery/etc. and definitely no food because it could get them in huge trouble and have them set back a couple weeks.
You will thrive off of their letters, I became best friends with my mailman, more like my mailman's stalker, but you get the gist. And when that day comes to finally get on that plane/drive to BMT graduation, you'll hardly be able to make it, you'll be so excited! I remember when we got to Lackland AFB for graduation, as soon as we got there, I started bawling because I was so excited, just knowing that I was on the same property as him and that in twelve hours, I was finally going to get to see my airman again, it was such an overwhelming feeling. Prepare for no sleep the night before, you're going to be like a little kid on Christmas, too excited to sleep!!! Graduation day is something that you'll always remember.
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| BMT Graduation, after tapping him out. |
SO, here are my tips and tricks to getting through BMT from a MILSO's perspective
- Cry. Cry as much as you need to. No one is really going to understand how hard it is, unless they've been there. Considering only 1% of the nations population is in the military, not many have been in your shoes.
- Write them EVERY DAY. Two or three times if you have to, whatever it takes. I would write Trent two and three times almost everyday...it was like a therapy to me. I couldn't tell you the amount of appreciation and happiness he had when he received the letters. You will understand how much the letters get you through, well your trainee will need them SO much more. Trent told me at graduation, and many times since, if it wasn't for all the letters he would've had a really hard time getting through BMT. He wrote me a few times saying that some of his bunk mates would be so upset and lonely and they wouldn't get a letter and they would just cry themselves to sleep because they didn't hear from their families. Don't let your trainee be that trainee.
- Find yourself. This one applies more to the significant others than to the parents, but you're going to be on your own for however long your trainees BMT is. If you're anything like me, you have a tougher time with being independent. Trent and I have done everything together since the day we met, five years ago. It was very hard having my best friend being taken away and cut off cold turkey. It really made me just sit and think about me and what I'm going to do with my life.
- Find a new hobby. Okay, so mine wasn't new, but I didn't something new with it. I've always been a sewer, so I started taking orders and making clothes for people and before I knew it I had a small business going and it made BMT fly, as much as it could.
- Research. Do as much research as you possibly can, the more you know, the better off you'll be.
- Find a support group. Whether it be family, friends, or church. You will need someone who will be there for you. In fact, Facebook has SO many support groups for BMT, tech schools, bases, there is a support page for practically anything you are looking for. For the Air Force, AF WingMoms and Air Force Moms are two different support pages that help you get through BMT, they post all sorts of tips and tricks and have guest speakers come and answer questions you may have and give you a week by week layout of BMT. They even put you your trainees flight group so you can meet other families in his flight and connect that way. I am sure that there are groups like that as well for the other branches. Just type it into the search bar and you'll be surprised at how many come up!
- Get Creative. Especially if they have kids or younger siblings. Make a countdown, have them color pictures and send them, find ways to make your trainee laugh, even a thousand miles away.
- Make a banner/T-Shirts. Make sure you don't put anything on them that will embarrass your trainee. It is SO fun to design the shirts and make the banners, definitely a fun memorabilia to keep and it is so fun and makes you proud to be able to show off to everyone that you have a family member in the military. I wear Air Force gear every chance I get. In fact, I'm wearing an AF shirt now. :) If you aren't as creative, you can go to Custom Ink to get shirts made, they do a great job! The price depends on what you put on there though. For banners, go to Build a Sign. You can choose to make a FREE banner or FREE jumbo card, just pay for shipping.
- Waterproof mascara is a must. Come graduation day, there will be A LOT of tears, happy of course, but you'll need your waterproof mascara to save yourself from embarrassing raccoon eyes! Also, dress respectively, not dressy, just something that wouldn't embarrass your trainee! You are representing them! One more thing, bring a towel or cushion for the bleachers, you will have to get your seat early because they fill up quick!! Once the ceremony is over, you get to "tap out" your trainee, which is basically everyone running onto the field, like a great Black Friday sale, to find their trainee. Tapping out is when your trainee is at attention and can't move until they are touched, or in most cases attacked with hugs, from family. It is a very special moment, I think I almost knocked Trent to the ground ha ha! I literally jumped on him I was so excited!
- HAVE FUN!!! This is a once in a lifetime experience and soak it all in, take lots of pictures and write down everything that happened that weekend, you'll want those memories to look back on! Also, make sure to save your letters!
If you have any questions, or need someone to talk to, I'm always open to answering anything you need help with as well!
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